National Infertility Awareness Week 2017
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. It’s a time for the world to talk about a tough and often taboo subject, it’s an opportunity for those who have been suffering in silence to know they are not alone, it’s a week where sharing your story is met with support and strength in numbers.
This year the theme is Listen Up. How appropriate for a disease that many suffer with for years in silence. I know we did. For years people would ask Rob and I how much longer we were going to wait to start a family, we would smile and say something like, “we’ll start trying when we’re ready” when the reality of what we were thinking was more like, “we’re desperately trying, please God we are ready”.
When we were finally ready to share our story, ready for others to “Listen Up”, it was scary. Grief is a hard thing to share with others, especially when many can’t relate to the journey you are on. We’ve heard it all from “stop stressing about it” to “good things are around the corner” and then there’s my favorite “everything happens for a reason”. I know those words were said because what do you say to someone in my situation. They were said with love but felt like little daggers in your already broken heart.
Five long years into this journey it pains me to say that we still get these kinds of comments. In fact I almost didn’t post this week because I wasn’t sure if my heart was strong enough to talk about it. What many of you don’t know is Rob and I recently suffered another loss.
The pain is so raw and the hurt is deep. Talking about it is difficult, there's a deep aching pain that just won't go away this time. If you know me well, you know I always have a plan B, C and usually a D. While we have ideas of what’s next, with each loss I’m finding it harder and harder to bounce back into these plans with enthusiasm. Instead of anticipating I find myself terrified and some days paralyzed with fear. Fear of another loss, fear of the effects years of grief has had on me, my husband our marriage. Fear of how my grief effects my relationships with friends and family. Fear.
This fear has had me contemplating whether or not I should speak out about our story again this year. Are people sick of hearing about my grief and loss? I don’t want to be labeled as that sad 30 something who has nothing else to talk about but her sadness. I ALMOST let fear win, almost. Then I remembered way back to my first ever post about infertility and overwhelming number of private chats, texts and conversations I had with women who were in the same boat as me. Many were not ready to share their stories yet but were comforted by the fact that they were not alone. Many have since gone on to have beautiful children, some of us are still fighting for that day when we finally get a new label, Mommy.
So today this post is for all of us still fighting every day to become parents. You are not alone, we are not alone. We are 1 in 8. We are strong. We are brave. We are loved.
Baby K, I will never give up. One day we will hold you in our arms and this long lonely journey will have all been worth it.
“Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” Hebrews 11:1
“But as for me, I will always have hope”
~Psalm 71:14
With Bated Breath
